If you want to know about how the training went, head over to teach_a_holic and read about it there.

Friday after the training I headed straight to Simi to see Daniel. We went to dinner at Red Robins and walked around Simi's Town Center for a while. We also walked through the Farmers Market that they have there every Friday. It wasn't too interesting, but there was a Democratic booth set up there. They had Obama bumper stickers and pins. I asked how much they cost and they were free, so I took one of each. Before I put the sticker on my car I made sure it was okay with Mike - since he'll get the car back eventually. He said they can be taken off, so I went ahead and stuck it on. Obama wasn't my first choice, Hilary was, but there is no way I would vote for McCain, so Obama is the only reasonable (electable) choice left.

After there we went to the bowling alley. Daniel is a big fan of bowling and he has friends who work at the bowling alley so he ends up bowling for free (although he plays for money). He played against "Tim". He only lost $10 (and won one game). I had a drink (Malibu Sunrise I think it's called) and watched them play. At 9 it was time to leave. Daniel was asking me if he could stay for another game - but I told him - he had to be up at 4:30 the next morning, it was best if he went home and to bed. He finally agreed and we left.

Saturday I went to Big Lots! with the fam and got a few things. There was a 10% off extra for teachers - so I figured why not, their prices are low anyway. After there we took Mom, Evil One, and Nikki to Fallbrooke and I went to Albertson's with daddy. After I came home I called Daniel and at 4 or so I went over to him. We went to T.O. and to Build-A-Bear. He got me a little bear. Very cute. We also stopped at Jamba before heading to his friend (Aurora)'s house for a BBQ. He baked a Lemon Tart which I wasn't looking forward to because I'm not a big fan of lemon in general. My dad always buys lemon pies and I never even take a bite. But the one he made... mmmmmm! It was delicious! I really enjoyed it. I had two pieces. He also made whipped cream to put on top of the tart - OMG! That was the most delicious cream EVER! The BBQ itself was good too. Steaks on the grill and corn on the cob on the girl. Then tortillas with rice and some onion and cilantro. Very good.

We left there at 9ish. We went to the bowling alley and bowled - just Daniel and me. I sucked - we played to games... 87 on the first, 68 on the second. But I got 3 strikes! Woohoo! After that we just went back to his place (where my car was) and we then parted ways. Well, we made out a bit in the car, first. He had to get up 6 this morning to go to work. He works for another hour or so. He's then going to go home and rest. He's going to make more lemon tarts from what I understand and also make another desert for me. A white chocolate ganache (or something like that). So I'll go see him this afternoon/evening as well.

I've had doubts, as you all know, about him. About us. But after the past couple of days I've been feeling pretty good. I need to give it all a fair shot. So now, that's what I'm doing.

As far as today - I went with David and Nikki to Stoney Peak. We walked around the whole thing. It was quite nice. At first Nikki was hesitant. She wasn't into walking and wanted "upa". She wanted to go home, etc. But luckily she got over that and we went around the whole thing pretty well. I was proud of her. It was hot, though. Afterward David, I think, took her to the pool and I've been hanging out in bed watching movies. Nikki should be coming back over in a little while, though.

I might be moving the teacher blog to my own domain at some point. I need to find someone to design a layout for me - and then I can move it. I'll use my brother-in-law's server for it. Easy peasy. Livejournal disappointed me in what I've been reading. I might, at one point, move this journal too, depending on how they decide to change the "basic" account - which is what I have. In which case I'll have to go ahead and start up what I was doing before and copy & pasting my entire journal, all 6 years, onto a word document and print them out. I've been meaning to do that for a long time but it's a tedious job and I always quit after a while. It tires out the fingers, for sure. Maybe tomorrow or even later today, I can get started.

I need to take a shower and get the grime off of me.

Alright, for now I think that's all I have to say. I must say that I am proud of myself for writing all this out. It has taken me over half an hour, though.

Just in general.

But I also need to be good and rave about the other stuff.

But I drank alcohol and I want to sleep.

Gonna sleep in. :)

Training at 2.

Gonna put the laptop on the desk for a while. GEt out of the fucking bed.

I'm going to start a blog that is all about my teaching experiences - tutor/teaching/etc.

It'll be here on LJ.

But I need a name! I need a cool, creative name.

So far? No ideas. SO HELP!

I think he's just too fucking needy and doesn't want to take any help.

I talk to him, tell him I want him to be healthy and whatever and he says whatever. And just all this bull shit. I don't need bullship.

I mean - he fucking makes me want to cry- but not because he hurt me, he didn't, but because he frustrates me because I can't help him.

I had an interview today at an Armenean school in Winnetka. It went REALLY well. The assistant principal interviewed me. It took 1 1/2 hours! Awesome! The woman, Mrs. Hepsis, told me she enjoyed the interview and liked me - that I had a warm persona and a great smile and I'm empathetic, etc. She said that she'll have interviewed 9 people for the position, I was the 7th, and that of the 9 she would pick 3 to give to the principal to decide upon. She said that I am one of those three! She'll let me know by the middle of next week.

In other news I ripped the nail on my big toe and it hurts like HELL!!!!

Now... a walk or something.

I've been anxious today and it's been my own doing. So I have no one to blame for it.

So Daniel has emotional issues to some extent. But it might be that I'm so different that I don't get the things he's worried about, etc. can I deal with them? So far I can. We'll see.

Walk to the market tonight.

Todd invited me to go see Batman on Thursday night when it opens, but I'm sure my mom will have a shit fit about that - so I don't think I'm going to do it. I'll fall asleep anyway.

Todd is another issue - I like him - but, damn, he also doesn't have his life together.

Why can't I meet someone who has their fucking life together? Hmm?

Oh - I just saw that I had my pap smear done in 2006. So it has been 2 years. 2 years worth of partners. Oh well. Not much I can do at this point.

Oh -and... I have an interview tomorrow at 1pm! Woohoo!

getting songs. I want to use my iPod more.

So I've been lucky the past two days.

Yesterday I went on the date and found the $6 and today Mona called me - she's the mom I babysit for - and her sister's new sister-in-law needs a baby sitter as well for the wedding. So she called to see about me being willing to care for the 5 kids in a hotel room instead of her two kids at her house. She told me they would pay me $40/hour plus $40 each way for gas over two days... I could possibly make $500! That would be VERY helpful.

In unlucky news... I had to up my text messege plan to $20 for 5000 messeges. They couldn't figure anything out and neither can I. I'll have to give my mom the extra money and hear her bitch at me. Whatever.

I applied for another job today. Blah. That's why the $500 would be really nice. I know it will be at least $400! It will be so helpful. I should ask where this sister-in-law lives and see if she'll ever need babysitting, and if so - call me! If she lives in the Valley, anyway.

Daniel said he'd go see Evita with me! Yay!

Okay - let's talk about Daniel. Lori, I've taken your words into consideration as I go along, by the way. He is needy. I think that's a fact and that's what it is, nothing I can do about it. Now the question is... what does it mean to me? Can I deal with needy? I think that it's what I need. Why do I think that? Because I've always been the caregiver. I'm the one who always tries to make others happy. I want to make sure others are taken care of. He needs to be taken care of. At the same time I know that I, myself, am needy to some extent. I know that sometimes I have drama and I need a strong shoulder to lean on and to take care of me. He seems to have that quality as well - how he helped me with my medical news. He helped me without even knowing me. I think that's a big thing.

I was talking to Dana and I mentioned him to her (and he called a bit later, funny) and she got a good feeling about him. I thought that was interesting. Without telling he rmuch about him - without knowing that he knew about my HPV - she had a good feeling. So we shall see, won't we?

I need to move out. Have I mentioned that? We shall have to see.

Lindsey? When I texted her the other day she was "so sick" that she couldn't talk to me. Then on Sunday she texted me and asked if I was okay. I told her I was "fine".

So on Saturday I had used about 400 text messeges. So I decided to pay an extra $5 a month (for one month) to have 1500 texts. Today I decide to check how many texts I had used and it was 1300!!! I did not go up 900 texts 3 days! No way in hell did I do that! I called V but they didn't really do anything. So tomorrow I'm going to check the website to see each text I've sent. See what's going on. Cause it's impossible.

Went on a date with another guy tonight... his name is Andrew. Good guy. Not hot or anything. Don't think I'll go out with him again, though. We were talking through dinner - but it was as though he wasn't interested in what I was saying. He didn't ask me any questions about me... which I think is a big deal on a first date, don't you?

Daniel, on the other hand, I continue to like and be intrigued by. We talk a lot everyday (which I need to watch because of minutes). Minutes and texts suck this month BECAUSE of the fucktard. Hopefully August will be better. Hopefully things will be better in general. I need a better plan. I need a job. A JOB would make everything better. Not perfect, but definitely better!

The job search? Not going to well. Nothing open. Can't find anything.

The girls have gone. Mika held up pretty well.

I'm tired still. *yawn*.

I cleaned up my room some. My closet had been broken by Camila so I fixed it up. Then I had to look for my remote (for my TV) and so I had to lift up my mattress and it is heavy! I found my remot and I took the time to clean behind my bed. so now my room is mostly clean (I have some more cleaning to do on my desk and bookcase and on the top of my chest of drawers, but for the most part it's done.

I took a shower and now am relaxing before I get ready to go to Simi to go out with Daniel. We're going to go see Hancock. I saw it with Mika, but he wants to see it so I told him I'd see it with him.

Monday I need to do a lot of looking for jobs and sending applications. As much job getting as possible! At least some part time work for the summer. I did send an e-mail to this tutor service place. I figure that I might as well apply and see what I can do. I think it's $12 an hour or so. Not a lot, but better than nothing! Much better!

Right now I'm uploading pictures, later on I'll post some here!

So the day before yesterday I decided to call to see what my Pap Smear results were. On the automated machine it stil said they were unavailable. So I called and left a messege for my doctor to get the results. In the afternoon she calls me and tells me that my test was positive for HPV at an unknown number or something like that. She thought the OBGYN department had called to tell me this already, but apparently they had not. So she told me. Now I have to be given an appointment to have another pap smear done which they will test again under a microscope (which makes me wonder why didn't they in the first place instead of making me go back and do it all over again.).

So yea, that's the issue right now - we don't know what's going to happen or what's wrong. It could be cancer, it could be nothing. 80% of women have HPV during their life and in 90% of the cases it goes away within 2 years. We'll have to wait and see.

So amidst my Chris drama (and I think this HPV thing was a call to show me Chris' true colors, asshole) I've been chatting with a guy who sent me a messege through MySpace. We've been IMing back and force over the past week or so. He actually e-mailed me (through myspace) on the 28th, but I didn't get back to him until the 4th. Then we started talking on the phone.... and it's nice. I feel like a broken record, however.

When I got my news on Thursday I knew that I had to tell him. If we were going to be dating I needed to let him know what he'd be getting himself into. He was the most supportive person I could have imagined. He had no reason to still talk to me. To still want to be with me. Nothing. The simple thing would have been to leave me be and go on about his business. He didn't do - he talked to me. He made me feel better. He calmed me down. He was amazing. My mom called me a whore, slut, and all those things. Lindsey didn't even call me to talk to me. It really shows the color of people. What kind of people they are. I didn't have anyone to talk to. I called Cindy Jackson and she was more than willing to let me come over and vent to her and whatnot. But I had to stop at Dana's house to drop off my brothers house so I started holding Jonathan and really didn't want to go out anywhere. Dana called her for me.

Last night I went out with this guy, Daniel. He lives in Simi Valley and is in culinary school (in Pasadena). He also works at Pavillions as the Deli Manager. We went to Friday's for dinner - and it was yummy. I got us a free dessert since our food was late (and the manager came to apologize when he delivered our food). We went to Borders after and walked around. We did a lot of teasing of each other. Back and force, back and force. He was shy and it's not like me to make the first move. After we left there we went walked and showed each other our cars, then we started walking some more. At some point he got up the nerve to put his arm around my waist. We were walking back towards the car and he stopped by a lampost (that had a big base) and he sat down and pulled me towards him and we just talked and hugged. It was nice. He gave me chills by getting close to my neck. He asked me at one point what I was thinking and I told him that I was just content with my head on his shoulder. So he asked me a loaded question: How does this contentment compare to other times? It was a totally loaded question. What was I supposed to say? I told him that I couldn't answer that. That I wouldn't answer it. I told him that I'd been on a lot of dates and everytime it's different. I really didn't know what to say to him.

So after we seperated I started thinking about what I was going to say. What could I tell him. *He just called and I told him I needed to think of what to say* . So I have to think about what I'm going to say.

There were times that I was more "content" on a first date. But did those relationships work out? No. I've had others that weren't as pleasing as this one, and they worked out better than others. So maybe my answer isn't what he wants to hear, but it's the right thing and the honost thing. I don't think I've had a date that was so much fun in the sense of teasing each other and being around each other and liking it. I didn't really feel any awkward moments really. It was a good thing. It was fun. I think he has a problem of having been dumped or flaked on or something in the past, so he's afraid of it happening again. But he seems like he's a good, simple, loving, wanting guy.

In other news? The girls are leaving today - we're going to go to Fallbrook and we'll see how things go and what sort of tantrums the girls throw. Mostly Mika. Because she is simply impossible to deal with and I cannot handle her anymore. This was the last trip she makes to Nona's house with this kind of attitude.

but it wasn't nearly enough at all.

Of course all I can think of is Chris. I'm positive.

I'mg oing to try to rest some more.

After about an hour or so they moved Dana to the post-delivery room and Jonathan into the nursery to have him checked out. David stayed with him while I moved back and force between the window outside the nursery and Dana's room (just down the hall). I kept giving Dana updates on Jonathan as David gave them to me through the window. He passed all his tests. They gave him a bath... he was there for about an hour. Right before he was to come out (at around 4pm) the family (mom, dad, sister and Nikki) arrived. Nikki was taking the situation in. Initially she just wanted to see her mom so I took her to Dana's room. Then I told her we should go see Jonathan again so we went back. She asked questions - Why was he in there? Could she go in there? Why not? When was he coming out? - but she didn't have to wait too long until he came out (at about 4:15pm). They rolled him over to Dana's room. I asked Nikki if she wanted to hold him and she said she did, so I sat her on my lap and David placed Jonathan on hers. She didn't hold him for too long, I think she was a bit nervous about the whole thing. She did hold him another 2 times before he came home from the hospital.

The family didn't stay too long because of fighting - G wanted to hold the baby, wanted pictures of her (she is obsessed with them) and yea, just drama galore. Dad left in a huff/tantrum. David was going to take Nikki, mom and G home and then come back and I would go home. Before they left, though, Lindsey showed up to meet Jonathan (she had never met a little newborn baby before). So the went to go home but David came back soon thereafter because they found my dad outside. We then decided that I would take Nikki home in their car, he would drive my car home and then pick up his car from home. Dad never got to hold the baby that first visit because he left so quickly - so later on G, me, Daddy and Nikki went back in David's car. He drove them all back and I stayed with Dana for another hour or so. David had to go back to post pictures so that Dana's family could see what JD looks like. It was getting late and I was going to take Nikki to their house to spend the night together. So before David got back I left. I go thome right about the same time that David was heading back to the hospital. I went home and took Nikki to their house and we spent the night together - it was quite nice and she has wanted me to do the same the past couple of nights, which hasn't been possible.

None of us headed back to the hospital again. They were supposed to release them at noon on Sunday (24 hours after birth) but there were idiots working in the hospital that day so they didn't get hom until about 4pm or so.

Now another post will be made of what has happened since then.

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too

Cna yuo raed tihs?




i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.

Dana had her last pre-natal appointment on Friday at 10:30am. I wanted to go because they were going to do an ultrasound and I wanted to see that. So off the four of us headed. They had us (or, really, Dana) waiting for an hour before they called her. They did an ultrasound and the amniotic fluid was low so the doctor said that they needed to induce soon because it was too low for the baby to be in there for much longer. From what I understand if the AF was too low it could put preasure on the umbiical cord which could stop blood flow to the baby. The doctor gave the option of going into the hospital right that moment or waiting at the latest until Saturday morning. The doctor told us about a different drug to induce labor which was slow and it was less painful. They decided to use that method instead and so they scheduled Dana to be admitted to Northridge Hospital Medical Center at 7pm on Friday, June 20, 2008.

I originally planned to meet up with them there at the same time they admitted her but I finally had a hold of Lindsey and so I decided to go to dinner with her and then go to the hospital and spend the night so David could go home and be with Nikki. I took David and Dana some Jamba Juice and acquainted myself with where she would be giving birth. At that point they hadn't done anything yet. I made it back to the hospital at about 10:30pm. David left and I helped Dana get ready for bed. It was a difficult night for me because it was an uncomfortable couch (although it was stretched out to become a bed) and there was no real pillow. I woke up several times during the night - but I find that I do this whenever I'm not at home in my own bed.

Everytime Dana had to go to the bathroom she had to disconnect herself from the machine that was keeping tack of Jonathan's hearth beat and Dana's contractions and then connect the cables when she got back in bed. I helped her do that, but she did it alone once or twice. We got up for good at around 6:30am or so. Things went slowly for a while. The new nurse came to check on her and we both found her to be very nice and attentive (her name is Jill). It was nice because for the rest of the stay I didn't like the nurses that attended to either Dana or Jonathan. Jill checked how far along Dana was, as far as being dialated, and she was about 4 cm and 60% efaced. Jill went to let Dana's doctor know (Dr. Trites). When she came back some time later she said that the doctor decided that it was time to take out the original inducer and put her on Pitocine which is a faster and more painful inducer.

When Jill took it out of her vagina Dana had some pain. At this point I really suggested to Dana to let them do the epidural on her (she had been avoiding it because she wanted to wait until the pain was too much for her to handle). She finally agreed to it and they called the doctor to perform it. He came in a bit after 9am (a bit after David got there and brought me a Jamba Juice) and kicked us out of the room for about half an hour. David and I came back in and Dana was relaxed. She stayed relaxed for quite a while. They put her on one side to relieve some pain that she had in her left side. This was a pain she had during the last few weeks of pregnancy and it was not even worse. Apparently a pocket that the epidural didn't take. Dana complained about it, but they weren't quite sure what it was. Dana's doctor arrive shortly there after and came to check her out and see how dialated she was. They measured her at 5 cm and 60-70% efaced. At this point they switched her to the Pitocin.

From that point on things began to move pretty quickly. They switched Dana to lay on her right side. The pain on her left side began to get stronger, especially during contractions. We were all wondering why she felt them so much since she did have the epidural. I told David to go get the nurse and he did. She saw the pain that Dana was in and decided to call the the doc and see if they could increase the drip dosage of the epidural. The doctor was in another surgery (a c-section for twins) but he approved it and Jill uped. Dana was not convinced that it would make a difference at all. The doc had said he'd come and check on her after he was done in the c-section. Dana was in a lot of pain. I was standing by her head on her right side. She was squeezing one of my hands and she was "massaging" my right arm during each contraction. It was painful for both of us at this point, although not nearly as painful for me as it was for her. Jill decided to check how she was looking down below since Dana was feeling something coming out of her.... sure enough Dana was 9 cm dialated and I can't remember how efaced she was, although I suppose it was quite alot.

They had to wait a bit for her to completly dialate to 10cm. For that time she continued to torture my arm. David was busy taking pictures and video. At about 11:45 or so the doctor (Trites) told Dana she could start pushing and she did. Each time she finished she asked if the head was out yet, alas it was not. David caught Jonathan's head on the video as it was coming out, although he turned the camera off and concentrated on pictures for the actual delivery.

Jonathan's official time of delivery was 11:59am.

The cord was wrapped around his neck (something that the doc had said might be causing the pain on his left side) so Dr. Trites had to have Dana stop pushing as soon as the head was all out so that she could cut the cord, which she did and then Dana easily got him the rest of the way out.

What happened for the next little bit was quite rushed - putting him on Dana's chest, putting him on the warmer, getting his nose and mouth cleared, etc. There is video and pictures detailing all off this. Hopefully David will have a better memory of it all.

So that was the delivery. I'll continue with what happened after that later... cause now I'm tired!

Me holding Jonathan (JD - what I'll call him) when he's less than an hour old)



Me holding Nikki as she holds JD. JD is about 4 hours old.



JD holding my finger when he's less than an hour old.

But I know it can all be a farce until he gets in my pants.

He calls me everyday when he gets off work (around 9:30-10pm). We usually talk for an hour or so. Of course it is just the first week after we met (and went out twice), but it's nice. Tonight he called and said that he's going to be working until 3am (from 12am to 3am he gets double time - so quite a bit a money). He also told me that he'll call me at about 11pm.

Dana had her doctor's appointment today. She's still only 1-2cm dialated, but if she doesn't give birth (or rather, go into contractions) by Friday they'll schedule her to be induced. So we might have a baby in a week! How exciting is that? Mika and Camila will be here in 2 weeks! So lots of changes coming up soon.

After they came back Nikki wanted to come over and be with me, so they dropped her off here. We watched some TV and then we went to the pool for about an hour. Came back, gave her a bath and took a shower, then watched some more TV. At 5:30 we went over to her house and soon thereafter walked to Ralphs (all of us). We didn't get back until about 8 or so. She wanted to come to my house again - because I had promised her she could sleep with me tonight....

---> side story, when she spent nights here G always wanted her to sleep with her and Nikki doesn't always want to, so since ther ewas always an argument when she spent the night here, she stopped doing so - so this is a rare occurance. Although maybe when Jonathan is born she'll spend a night or two here. <---

.... So after the supermarket she and I came home and we got into our PJ's. I made some "vacio" - meat for both of us - although she ate most of mine as well as hers. Luckily I made myself couscous too, so I ate well. She ate some Ice Cream for desert and then we came upstairs. We brushed our teeth and went to my moms room. She played around for an hour or so and then I got her to lay down in bed and turn off the light while we watched SpongeBob. David called and then Jason called and after I hung up she seemed read to drop dead so I asked her if she wanted my arm, she came over and laid her head on my breast and she was asleep in a second. We stayed that way for a while because it is so rare for me to get to hold her like that, so I take advantage of it when I can. After a while I left her there and came to my room. I feel weird if I'm in my house but not in my room. And, like I said before, Jason is due to call again, so it's best that I'm in a diff room so our talking doesn't wake her up.

.........

Oh look I forgot to post this last night. I'll finish updating then.

Jason called me sometime after 11pm. We ended up going on Yahoo and video/audio chatting through there for about an hour. It was pretty cool. He is sooo cute! :) I should have done a screen capture o fhim! Darn! He didn't get home until 3:45 this morning. Told me to call him and wake him up at 11:30. 12 minutes from now.

Nikki stayed in my moms bed for the entire night. She got up at about 8:30 this morning. We snuggled in my bed for a while. We then went downstairs where I made both of us chocolate milk (hot for me, cold for her) and ceareal for me and scrambled egg for her. She then decided she wanted to go to the pool. I called David and we went to the pool. We got back, well, Nikki left with David to their house and I came home and showered. Made myself all nice and smooth with lotions, re-painted my toenails that had chipped from being in the pool. And now we're down to 7 minutes until I call Jason.

I did want to mention how taking care of Nikki this morning really made me realize that I will be a great mom and I'll do just fine living on my own or with a husband or whatnot. I don't show it much becaue I'm lazy when my parents are here - but when I'm alone I take care of myself and my nieces if need be. So it made me feel very happy!

Okay, have a good day! When Jason picks me up we're going to lunch and then we'll see what else. We'll probably go to the park tonight to watch Shrek Three. Or maybe just to make out. Who knows.

Okay, not really. 1) it's not raining. 2)... well, there is no two.

But I did clean the two bottom shelves of my bookcase (and right below the bookcase). Got rid of stuff and reorganized. I was looking around my room and I see how cluttered it is. So I was attempting to unclutter it a bit. I sort of succeeded, but since I have very little space it's difficult to do. To unclutter I would need to have places to store junk, but I don't have that space. Once I move out I know that my life will be different - mentally and emotionally (and obviously physically). I'll have my own set of things - I won't be confined to one room.

I fear the day I move out, but I look forward to it as well. So I believe the best for me will be to live nearby. Somewhere where I'll be able to come over often. But I'll also be able to have friends over... if I have a bf, I'll be able to be with him, etc.

*Sigh* I can't write what I'm thinking and feeling right now.

I'm tired.

Sleep.